Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
