guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
