I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
