Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
