hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
