How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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