If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
