you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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