Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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