I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
