I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
