Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
