I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
