the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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