we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
