So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
