fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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