I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
