I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
50% drunk capacity currently
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
