K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
