Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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