And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
