They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
