god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
