just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
