you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
