dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
