I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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