I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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