Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
