Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
