around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
