So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
