hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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