we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Shame - the story of my life.
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