Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
