You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
