White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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