I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize