if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
