Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
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