Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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