Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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