Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
How external is "for external use only"?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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