i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
