they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
