When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
