I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Come on in and take your pants off
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
