im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
