My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
