note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
