just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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