Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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