dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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