I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
