Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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