"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
