Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
