things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
