He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
