im having a threesome with these popsicles
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
