I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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