I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
please come you make the beer taste better
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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