i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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