She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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