Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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